we had our first dinner out at a restaurant, can you say party of 5! thankfully it was a "faster" food restaurant, bost0n market. this store has a total of 3 high chairs and we needed 2, could have actually used 3 (no booster seats either). Two of them were being used when we arrived. Uggh, that will be a new requirement when looking for places to eat out. Plenty of highchairs!
We survived! all 3 kids were fed, we had just one small meltdown that was nipped before it turned into something big and mommy and daddy actually got something to eat too. We did get one more highchair and the girls did well eating out with all the distractions (people starring and coming over to talk to us about the girls) that come with it.
We piled them all in the car and went home. We had a successful first dinner out.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Change
While we were in China at the con$olate office we were told some startling statistics. The one that stood out the most to me was that 67% of adoptions from China were now SN (special needs). That was higher than i had thought.
That means that if they are doing around 3,000 adoptions in one year (2005 total was 7,900 and 2009 had 3,000), only about 1,000 are going to be NSN (non-special needs). Wow, that means that only about 100 babies each month are being matched with families.
With attrition (those dropping out due to frustration, finding another program and adopting elsewhere or just no longer meet the requirements) the numbers are going down but i would estimate there are probably 12,000-18,000 families still waiting. Now, we don't really know exactly how many are waiting, we are not told those numbers but we can estimate and speculate; this was a big part of my life for the last 5 years, haha.
I don't really know what to say about the program, so many are angry and think China should stop taking applications for the NSN program, others think the NSN program will come to an end. Others are upset that those in charge should be more upfront with what the future holds and stop the torture of waiting if it is just not going to happen. Obviously you can do the math, with even just 10,000 people waiting, the wait would be around 10 years. We waited nearly 5 years, so 7-10 years is very realistic. There has been so much change in the program since we signed up to adopt, it is not the same program.
It is a long and difficult wait, we found peace and grew in our faith. One scripture that i found so much strength from was:
"But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, be patient! For it will surely take place. It will not be late by a single day." Habakkuk 2:3
That means that if they are doing around 3,000 adoptions in one year (2005 total was 7,900 and 2009 had 3,000), only about 1,000 are going to be NSN (non-special needs). Wow, that means that only about 100 babies each month are being matched with families.
With attrition (those dropping out due to frustration, finding another program and adopting elsewhere or just no longer meet the requirements) the numbers are going down but i would estimate there are probably 12,000-18,000 families still waiting. Now, we don't really know exactly how many are waiting, we are not told those numbers but we can estimate and speculate; this was a big part of my life for the last 5 years, haha.
I don't really know what to say about the program, so many are angry and think China should stop taking applications for the NSN program, others think the NSN program will come to an end. Others are upset that those in charge should be more upfront with what the future holds and stop the torture of waiting if it is just not going to happen. Obviously you can do the math, with even just 10,000 people waiting, the wait would be around 10 years. We waited nearly 5 years, so 7-10 years is very realistic. There has been so much change in the program since we signed up to adopt, it is not the same program.
It is a long and difficult wait, we found peace and grew in our faith. One scripture that i found so much strength from was:
"But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, be patient! For it will surely take place. It will not be late by a single day." Habakkuk 2:3
Thursday, February 10, 2011
One month
We are getting into a good routine, two naps and lots of playtime for them to work on upper body strength and rolling over techniques( it really is an art, rolling over and not rolling on their arms too). They are learning to interact more with each other, it usually entails one stealing the others toy or falling over on each other. The other day they were holding hands and then Phoebe was putting her fingers in paige's mouth while she laughed.
I have only a few pictures because my camera has been in the shop since we got home. More to come soon.
Friday, January 28, 2011
One week home
Our trip to China was amazing, we had the time of our lives. The people are beautiful, kind and loving. the country is growing, vibrant and modern. It's in a jux position to the history and architecture that has survived for thousands of years which is now surrounded by subways, skyscrapers and technology. it made us sad to know that some of the oldest parts of town, the hutong, were being torn down for highways and subways but we were glad that we got to visit and experience a piece of that before it is gone completely. One of our favorite spots to visit was the Great Wall, we were in awe of the enormity and the "greatness" of it. Pictures just don't do it justice, we had a very clear day and we could see for miles, the wall climbed up and around the mountains, it was awesome. Nate loved climbing the wall and he loved the adventure of seeing what was ahead. Daddy was a super hero and climbed the wall with nate on his shoulders most of the way to the first tower. Nate was so happy being there and you can see that in the pictures, he had fun.
Our girls are home and thriving, they have gained weight and are getting healthy. they each have had colds since we got home. they are pretty much on our time schedule here, and are still eating with gusto. we have been blessed by many friends who have dropped by with meals and it has helped so much in getting through this first week of jet lag. nate is back to school and i think he likes being back in a routine and having mommy time on the ride back and forth. Each day we are learning a little bit more about the girls, their temperament and what makes them happy. They are both beautiful, healthy, amazing little girls. We are so blessed.
Paige is peaceful, observant and a bit quiet. she chooses her times carefully to be loud to get what she needs, she usually lets her sister do the noise making when needed. she is still guarded with us but has been slowly warming up. She can put down more food than i thought any one child could ever eat and she likes most anything, she is not a picky eater. she is quick to smile.
Phoebe is a fighter, inpatient and charming. she lets you know exactly when she has had enough and right away. she is a little more affectionate right now and likes to be rocked before bedtime. she seems heavy in thought trying to figure things out and watches us very carefully. she is a good eater but a bit more pickier. she is very ticklish and will laugh loudly when you find the right spot. she is saying a few baby words and she can click with her tongue.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Brown Evelope
Our coordinator, Simon went to the consulate to pick up our brown envelopes just before we were leaving for the train. Earlier in the week we had completed all our paperwork and submitted it for the girls, this envelope of paperwork we got back was the final step in allowing the girls to enter the country. The "key" to the brown envelope is that you must carry it with you at all times, on the plane and in the hotel room. You are not allowed to open the brown envelope ever! You must hand in the brown envelope when you land in the US and give it to immigration and once this is opened by an official the girls are citizen of the US.
So here is the story we had been told by our coordinator and then again by the person who swore us in that the consulate. A few days before we arrived, a family just received their brown envelope and left the building, they went to a park to allow their children to play for a while. they went back to their hotel and were getting the kids ready for bed, giving them baths when the mom discovered she couldn't find the envelope or passport. they went back to the park, but couldn't find it. they went to their coordinator who went to the consulate, and the answer to the family was that they were going to have to stay in China for 3 months while the new paperwork and passport was being completed.
I'm a little fuzzy on the next details, but as i understand it, an old woman found the child's passport, and had returned the passports for a finders fee, and they asked her if she has seen the brown envelope too? She had, it was in the trash, opened, and for an additional fee she was able to find and return the brown envelope. The family only had to stay an additional few weeks instead of 3 months.
the moral of the story that was pounded into our heads was, do not let this envelope out of your sight! We gave our brown envelope to the officer and it was processed, the girls became citizens of the US in the Newark Airport.
stay tuned...we will have some more pictures of our trip in the next day or so. we are getting all the pictures from the camera ready.
So here is the story we had been told by our coordinator and then again by the person who swore us in that the consulate. A few days before we arrived, a family just received their brown envelope and left the building, they went to a park to allow their children to play for a while. they went back to their hotel and were getting the kids ready for bed, giving them baths when the mom discovered she couldn't find the envelope or passport. they went back to the park, but couldn't find it. they went to their coordinator who went to the consulate, and the answer to the family was that they were going to have to stay in China for 3 months while the new paperwork and passport was being completed.
I'm a little fuzzy on the next details, but as i understand it, an old woman found the child's passport, and had returned the passports for a finders fee, and they asked her if she has seen the brown envelope too? She had, it was in the trash, opened, and for an additional fee she was able to find and return the brown envelope. The family only had to stay an additional few weeks instead of 3 months.
the moral of the story that was pounded into our heads was, do not let this envelope out of your sight! We gave our brown envelope to the officer and it was processed, the girls became citizens of the US in the Newark Airport.
stay tuned...we will have some more pictures of our trip in the next day or so. we are getting all the pictures from the camera ready.
Monday, January 24, 2011
letter to family and friends
As we finally reach home, we felt it necessary to write a letter to family and friends, letting them know what to expect in the days ahead.
Dear Family and Friends,
We deeply appreciate all the support and excitement that you have shown us during this journey. We are overjoyed at God's grace, but we also realize this will be a season of adjustment for our family.
We are confident of this: God’s design is PERFECT! His plan for parents and children is a beautiful and meaningful picture of His love for us. Attachment between a parent and child occurs over time when a baby has a physical or emotional need and communicates that need. The primary caretaker (usually mommy) meets the need and soothes the child. This repeats between a parent and child over and over to create trust within the child for that parent. By God’s very design, an emotional foundation is laid in the tiniest of babies, which will affect their learning, conscience, growth and future relationships. The security provided by parents will, ultimately, give children a trust for and empathy towards others.
Children who come home through adoption have experienced interruptions in this typical attachment process. The loss of a biological mother and father at an early age can be a major trauma on their little hearts. Paige and Phoebe will soon experience the loss of familiar and comforting caretakers as well as the sights, smells, and language of their birth country. They will be overwhelmed. Everything around them will be new and they will need to learn not just about their new environment, but also about love and family. They have not experienced God’s design for a family in an orphanage setting. They will struggle with feeling safe and secure and may lack the ability to trust that we will meet their needs. The good news is that we can now, as their parents and forever family, rebuild attachment and help her heal from these emotional wounds.
The best way for us to form a parent/child bond is to be the ones to hold, snuggle, instruct, soothe and feed them. As this repeats between us, they will be able to learn that parents are safe to trust and to love deeply. We are, essentially, recreating the newborn/parent connection. We will be doing what we believe is best to help them heal from those interruptions in attachment as effectively as possible.
Why are we telling you all of this? Because you will actually play an awesome and vital role in helping them settle in, heal, and lay a foundation for the future. There are a few areas in which you can help us:
The first is to set physical boundaries. It will help us immensely if adults limit what is typically considered normal, physical contact with Paige and Phoebe. This will (for a while) include things like holding, excessive hugging and kissing. Children from orphanage settings are prone to attach too easily to anyone and everyone – which hinders the important, primary relationship with parents. Waving, blowing kisses or high fives are perfectly appropriate and welcomed!
Another area is redirecting their desire to have their physical and emotional needs met by anyone (including strangers) to having us meet them. Orphans often have so many caretakers that they, as a survival mechanism, become overly charming toward all adults. A child struggling to learn to attach may exhibit indiscriminate affection with people outside of their family unit. It may appear harmless and as if they are “very friendly” but this is actually quite dangerous for the child. Please understand that we want nothing more than to have Paige and Phoebe hugged, cuddled and cherished by ALL of you. But until they have a firm understanding of family and primary attachments, we would be so grateful if you direct them to us if you see that they are seeking out food, affection or comfort.
Also, please feel free to ask us any questions at any time. We are learning, too, and are grateful that you are speaking with us to help Paige and Phoebe feel loved, safe, and secure. Thank you so much for your love and support over the last few years.
With Love
P and K
Dear Family and Friends,
We deeply appreciate all the support and excitement that you have shown us during this journey. We are overjoyed at God's grace, but we also realize this will be a season of adjustment for our family.
We are confident of this: God’s design is PERFECT! His plan for parents and children is a beautiful and meaningful picture of His love for us. Attachment between a parent and child occurs over time when a baby has a physical or emotional need and communicates that need. The primary caretaker (usually mommy) meets the need and soothes the child. This repeats between a parent and child over and over to create trust within the child for that parent. By God’s very design, an emotional foundation is laid in the tiniest of babies, which will affect their learning, conscience, growth and future relationships. The security provided by parents will, ultimately, give children a trust for and empathy towards others.
Children who come home through adoption have experienced interruptions in this typical attachment process. The loss of a biological mother and father at an early age can be a major trauma on their little hearts. Paige and Phoebe will soon experience the loss of familiar and comforting caretakers as well as the sights, smells, and language of their birth country. They will be overwhelmed. Everything around them will be new and they will need to learn not just about their new environment, but also about love and family. They have not experienced God’s design for a family in an orphanage setting. They will struggle with feeling safe and secure and may lack the ability to trust that we will meet their needs. The good news is that we can now, as their parents and forever family, rebuild attachment and help her heal from these emotional wounds.
The best way for us to form a parent/child bond is to be the ones to hold, snuggle, instruct, soothe and feed them. As this repeats between us, they will be able to learn that parents are safe to trust and to love deeply. We are, essentially, recreating the newborn/parent connection. We will be doing what we believe is best to help them heal from those interruptions in attachment as effectively as possible.
Why are we telling you all of this? Because you will actually play an awesome and vital role in helping them settle in, heal, and lay a foundation for the future. There are a few areas in which you can help us:
The first is to set physical boundaries. It will help us immensely if adults limit what is typically considered normal, physical contact with Paige and Phoebe. This will (for a while) include things like holding, excessive hugging and kissing. Children from orphanage settings are prone to attach too easily to anyone and everyone – which hinders the important, primary relationship with parents. Waving, blowing kisses or high fives are perfectly appropriate and welcomed!
Another area is redirecting their desire to have their physical and emotional needs met by anyone (including strangers) to having us meet them. Orphans often have so many caretakers that they, as a survival mechanism, become overly charming toward all adults. A child struggling to learn to attach may exhibit indiscriminate affection with people outside of their family unit. It may appear harmless and as if they are “very friendly” but this is actually quite dangerous for the child. Please understand that we want nothing more than to have Paige and Phoebe hugged, cuddled and cherished by ALL of you. But until they have a firm understanding of family and primary attachments, we would be so grateful if you direct them to us if you see that they are seeking out food, affection or comfort.
Also, please feel free to ask us any questions at any time. We are learning, too, and are grateful that you are speaking with us to help Paige and Phoebe feel loved, safe, and secure. Thank you so much for your love and support over the last few years.
With Love
P and K
Sunday, January 23, 2011
we made it home
quick update and a little backtracking.
we are doing well and we arrived home on friday evening. it was a long, long day. we started out leaving our Garden Hotel at 2pm, all the others in our group were there to see us off, that made it so special to us. we took a van to the consulate where our guide picked up our documents. a one minute drive later and we were at the train station. Even that is a huge building, thankfully our guide, Simon, took us to the right spot and then he was off to the next family. We had to pay a pretty penny to get our bags checked onto the train, 70rmb or about $11 each bag, which is steep for 5 bags. The usual thing to do is to take all your luggage on board with you.
the train ride was about 2 hours and it was really nice to see the "country side" along the way. it was very rural and you could see little patches with gardens and then some larger cities along the way too. nate was very excited to ride the train and he knew this was the last part of our trip and that made him happy too.
we arrived in hong kong about 6pm, we had to pay another porter to take our bags to the street. we had to rent a van with a driver to take us the our hotel. we arrived around 8pm. We spent about 12 hours in the hotel and then we were off to the airport. the morning light brought some beautiful sites, hong kong is beautiful! there were huge mountains and enormous buildings. we were close to a lake or ocean and on the way to the airport we could see the gondolas going across the highway and up the mountains.
the lord was watching over us on this trip. he blessed us with some amazing people who took great care of us. as we checked in the computers were down. when they finally started working we had waited about 1 hour and had just 1 hour to get checked in and make it to our plane. there were some complications and it took them 50 minutes to check us in! one of the women walked us the entire way to the plane, she took us through staff security entrance, and probably 1 mile of walking, 4 elevators and a train ride to our gate. we were pretty much last to board and they held the plane for us and our luggage. when we started to board they wanted to check our luggage, my lifeline to our babies EVERYTHING. i had a small backpack for a few diapers and a bottle but all our supplies were in the carry on. i had to fight pretty hard to get that bag on the plane but they finally found room.
we were on the plane with a "celebrity" stewardess, here is a link to her,
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2010/12/28/eveningnews/main7192655.shtml
i asked her if she was on TV and she didn't really answer me, but i knew it was her as soon as i saw her and P recognized her too.
We arrived in Newark and had to go through customs and immigration, it took about 1 hour. Our girls became citizens at this point, it seemed a little uneventful and we couldn't even take picture. we had to pick up our luggage and drop it off in another place. Once again, it was up elevators, down a few escalators, walking and running through the airport, and standing in line for 30 minutes for security. we just made it to the gate and they said we had 90 seconds to get on the plane or it was leaving. it made for a quick goodbye to grandma. this time they did take our carry on luggage, we opened it up on the plane and took diapers and formula for the two hour flight and we were done.
i had a few problems on this flight, the last flight during landing, it triggered my vertigo and i was sick most of the time in the airport and getting on this last flight. P did an amazing job taking care of the kids, he is my super hero! the lord was good to us, things could have been so much more difficult but He provided abundantly.
We arrived home around 8pm and it was a wonderful site. nate was so happy to get home, he dumped every single toy out on the floor and practically laid down in his toys. he was happy. the girls have had an easy transition, they have had no problems with their crib or the play yard, or the highchairs. we are still working on attachment with them and have a long way to go.
we are doing well and we arrived home on friday evening. it was a long, long day. we started out leaving our Garden Hotel at 2pm, all the others in our group were there to see us off, that made it so special to us. we took a van to the consulate where our guide picked up our documents. a one minute drive later and we were at the train station. Even that is a huge building, thankfully our guide, Simon, took us to the right spot and then he was off to the next family. We had to pay a pretty penny to get our bags checked onto the train, 70rmb or about $11 each bag, which is steep for 5 bags. The usual thing to do is to take all your luggage on board with you.
the train ride was about 2 hours and it was really nice to see the "country side" along the way. it was very rural and you could see little patches with gardens and then some larger cities along the way too. nate was very excited to ride the train and he knew this was the last part of our trip and that made him happy too.
we arrived in hong kong about 6pm, we had to pay another porter to take our bags to the street. we had to rent a van with a driver to take us the our hotel. we arrived around 8pm. We spent about 12 hours in the hotel and then we were off to the airport. the morning light brought some beautiful sites, hong kong is beautiful! there were huge mountains and enormous buildings. we were close to a lake or ocean and on the way to the airport we could see the gondolas going across the highway and up the mountains.
the lord was watching over us on this trip. he blessed us with some amazing people who took great care of us. as we checked in the computers were down. when they finally started working we had waited about 1 hour and had just 1 hour to get checked in and make it to our plane. there were some complications and it took them 50 minutes to check us in! one of the women walked us the entire way to the plane, she took us through staff security entrance, and probably 1 mile of walking, 4 elevators and a train ride to our gate. we were pretty much last to board and they held the plane for us and our luggage. when we started to board they wanted to check our luggage, my lifeline to our babies EVERYTHING. i had a small backpack for a few diapers and a bottle but all our supplies were in the carry on. i had to fight pretty hard to get that bag on the plane but they finally found room.
we were on the plane with a "celebrity" stewardess, here is a link to her,
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2010/12/28/eveningnews/main7192655.shtml
i asked her if she was on TV and she didn't really answer me, but i knew it was her as soon as i saw her and P recognized her too.
We arrived in Newark and had to go through customs and immigration, it took about 1 hour. Our girls became citizens at this point, it seemed a little uneventful and we couldn't even take picture. we had to pick up our luggage and drop it off in another place. Once again, it was up elevators, down a few escalators, walking and running through the airport, and standing in line for 30 minutes for security. we just made it to the gate and they said we had 90 seconds to get on the plane or it was leaving. it made for a quick goodbye to grandma. this time they did take our carry on luggage, we opened it up on the plane and took diapers and formula for the two hour flight and we were done.
i had a few problems on this flight, the last flight during landing, it triggered my vertigo and i was sick most of the time in the airport and getting on this last flight. P did an amazing job taking care of the kids, he is my super hero! the lord was good to us, things could have been so much more difficult but He provided abundantly.
We arrived home around 8pm and it was a wonderful site. nate was so happy to get home, he dumped every single toy out on the floor and practically laid down in his toys. he was happy. the girls have had an easy transition, they have had no problems with their crib or the play yard, or the highchairs. we are still working on attachment with them and have a long way to go.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Leaving on a jet plane
I leave you with some photos from the last few days. Not sure if I will get to post again before we get on the plane so we ask for a few prayers.
We have safe travel, no delays, and peace as we travel.
That all the kids stay healthy, in good spirits and no breakdowns. We will be on the plane for 13 hours straight.
We don't hit bad weather coming into Newark on Friday.
We leave on Friday at 2pm and arrive on Friday at 6pm, the longest day of our lives! Pray we can get some sleep on the plane, have lots of patience, and have no delays.
When we get home we can all deal with jet lag and recover quickly.
As soon as we land on US soil, the girls become US citizens! Praise the lord!
Thank you for your comments and and for your prayers, they mean so much.
See you in a few days!
Monday, January 17, 2011
Subway, Asian olympics, mall
We brought our new stroller with us and I have to say we have put on some serious mileage and it has seen some rough days. This city is not easy for the handicap or strollers, sidewalks are high and have few lowered crosswalks. We have had to help each other in our group carry strollers with kids in them up/down huge flights of stairs, across very bumpy stone walkways, over high door steps and over stop posts that allow only pedestrian walking. We encountered many stairs on our adventures in the subway today.
We also went to a huge grocery store today. I can't believe how many employees there are at grocery stores. Each aisle has a "salesperson" to help you and to promote their store brand. There are also people selling specific brands in each aisle like Lipton in the drink aisle, she was dressed in a yellow outfit that reminded me of a 1970's plane stewardess. The stores are so busy with people that they have smaller shopping baskets, a cart that you can add the small baskets.
We have to buy lots of water, the tap water in undrinkable by everyone, it can only be used if boiled. Hotel restaurants are very expensive so we are trying to buy some meals at the store to make in our room. This city is so much nicer to walk around in that we have enjoyed many nice meals out too.
Three more days and we leave for the last leg of our journey, we have one night in hong kong. We are trying to absorb as much as we can of this wonderful country. We are having a wonderful time here. They are keeping us very busy but I know when we leave we will have wished we had done more.
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